Lifestyle

Diaper Dandies: The 2017 Celebrity Baby Power Rankings

 

Well guys, it certainly has been awhile since we took stock of the celebrity baby world and figured out which tot ruled them all. Just in case you forgot, when we originally published this ranking in November 2014, North West resoundingly topped the list, followed by Blue Ivy Carter and Prince George. But so much has changed in the last two years.

A lot of new babies have been born, and a lot of former babies have been aged out of the classification. (Reminder: a baby is defined as being zero to three years old.) Goodbye Baby Future! Have fun in preschool, Blue Ivy! See you later Prince George! With so many spots in the Baby Top Ten vacated, and so many newcomers vying for infant glory, we once again crunched the numbers, looked at adorable photos, and unfairly judged celebrity parents. Which babies are running shit in their early years? Which ones have more Instagram followers than God? Which ones appear to be on track to rule the world? Those are the questions we asked ourselves, all to provide you with an updated, definitive list. Without further ado, here are The 2017 Celebrity Baby Power Rankings. 

P.S. Some babies who appeared on the 2016 ranking appear on this version as well; you can see how far they've fallen or how high they've risen in the parentheses next to their names. 

P.P.S. And again, in case it needs to be said, this is all in good fun. We love all babies—even not-famous ones.

 

25. Sienna Princess Wilson

Parents: Ciara and Russell Wilson
Date of birth: April 28, 2017
Highest praise from a website: "Their bouncing baby girl weighed in at 7 lbs., 13 oz." - Sports Illustrated 

Sienna Princess Wilson—yup, Sienna *Princess* Wilson—doesn’t rank higher because her mom and dad have, rather annoyingly, kept her out of the limelight since her birth in April. We have yet to even see a photo of Sienna. Her brother Future Jr. was the star of a particularly savage diss against Future Sr. by Jay Z on 4:44, which you might think would cause him to tower over his little sister. But never forget: Sienna was the star of the single most bizarre photo that has ever existed and will ever exist on this universe and probably all others. That’s something no one will EVER take that away from her.

20. Princess Charlotte of Cambridge (-8)

Parents: Kate Middleton & Prince William
Date of birth: May 2, 2015
Highest praise from a website: "We're not sure the public can handle another royal pregnancy." — SheKnows.com

As we've already gone over, the hype is always turned down the second time around. Do you remember how wild British people went when Prince George was born? This baby, who's fourth in line to inherit the crown, which means it's gonna take some Game of Thrones shit to get into power, is going to get about half of that. Unfortunately for Royal Baby II, Kate Middleton wasn't able to space her pregnancies out a little more.

Update: She’s still hopelessly adorable—she curtsied in Poland and singlehandedly solved all of the country’s problems for all of eternity, or whatever. And yet she will always live in the shadow of her brother, who already gives such few fucks that he literally wore a bathrobe to meet the Obamas. And yet, if—God forbid—some apocalyptic Red Wedding-style shitshow managed to wipe out her father, mother, and brother, she’d be Queen of England. So, there’s that.​

15. Amada Gosling (-10)

Parents: Eva Mendes & Ryan Gosling
Date of birth: April 29, 2016
Highest praise from a website: "Amada" in Spanish can mean beloved, adored and dear." - E Online​

Amada is clumped together in the Top Ten with her older sister, which feels right to me. Now, as for why the younger child is ranked higher than her sibling, after we've spent this entire list explaining that the first child gets more shine than the subsequent ones? There's an interesting reason: because this kid is named Amada Lee Gosling, while her sister is named Esmeralda AMADA Gosling. Notice that similarity? Amada straight up stole her sister's middle name! That is a baby power move if I've ever seen one. Watch out for this prodigy. 

Update: Step over Esmeralda Amada, there’s a new Gosling baby in town. Amada Lee Gosling was born two and a half years after her older sis and already out ranked her sister in our baby power ranking. Her savage name stealing move puts her up in the ranks with the rest of the baby A listers, even though she’s only been around for a year. Amada’s older sis, Es, (as her parents call her) isn’t a stranger to badass behavior either. Apparently, she’s in a heated graffiti tagging battle at her local playground. The Gosling girls are pros when it comes to dodging paparazzi pics, a feat that only occurs if you leave your house out of a suitcase like Taylor Swift, or you have two amazing 'rents that can smell a photographer from a mile away. Here’s to hoping that we’ll eventually see the two bundles of joy soon.

 

16. Dream Kardashian (-15)

Parents: Blac Chyna & Rob Kardashian
Date of birth: Nov. 10, 2016
Highest praise from a website: "(check out those long lashes!)​" - People.com

I feel extremely comfortable saying that this was the most hyped baby of 2016. Blac Chyna (who was dating Tyga, who left the relationship to date a yet-to-be-legal Kylie Jenner) and Rob Kardashian becoming a couple in January 2016 shook the world. To this day, it might be the most dramatic thing that's happened to the Kardashians. And things only escalated from there: Blac and Rob got engaged, landed their own reality show, and yep, had a baby! Now that Dream (fantastic name) is a living thing, all of that hype has turned into attention and influence. This girl has a week-old Instagram, and it already has 518,000 followers. Truly impressive. There's also this other, tiny little factoid: Dream is the only Kardashian child to actually have the Kardashian surname. She's the one true heir!

Also, under Chyna's tutelage, Dream will become the pettiest human in the world, and will end people's existences on a daily basis, so that's awesome.

Update: As the most hyped baby of 2016, Dream had a lot to live up to. And I mean look at her, she's ADORABLE. But sadly, she was overshadowed by the unfortunate, and at times, scary drama between her parents. Their off and on relationship which had a volatile end this July with Kardashian posting personal pictures of Chyna and Chyna alleging that Kardashian was violent with her. *exhales deeply* Let's just hope this is all over with for Dream's sake. 

15. Iman Tayla Shumpert Jr. (-14)

Parents: Teyana Taylor & Iman Shumpert
Date of birth: Dec. 16, 2015
Highest praise from a website: "A mere look at Iman Shumpert and Teyana Taylor's baby girl will tell you that she's absolutely precious." — BET.com

How babies do you know have starred in a Kanye West video? I'LL WAIT. So yeah, this child, who Teyana and Shump call "Junie," is a star. She's also unbelievably genetically gifted, and will the most beautiful, cut person in the world when she grows up. Aside from all that, Junie tops the list because of her birth story. She didn't go to Sinai like all the Kardashian babies; she wasn't born in a private hospital wing like Blue Ivy. No—this kid was delivered with Iman Shumpert's bare-ass hands. I'll let Teyana take it from here:

On Dec 16th at 6:42am in our bathroom Junie decided she wanted to take her first breath into this world. She came out as a wonderful surprise to everyone! Not knowing I was in labor until I felt her head...it took two ten count pushes with my fiancé playing Dr and she entered this world into his bare hands! Eyes full of tears and barely able to speak to the emergency operator @imanshumpert tied a pair of red headphones around the umbilical cord and the ambulance made there grand entrance 5 min later. She opened her eyes right away, gazed into mine and never cried! He handed her to me wrapped in our bath towel and wiped her face for me to see what LOVE really is. She has blown Christmas away! Our family is complete. Her blueprint will be unmatched.

Holy shit. This is the G.O.A.T. baby.

UPDATE: Junie has kept pretty quiet after her batshit insane birth and casual cameo in a Kanye West music video. She’s got a closet full of designer clothes and even has her own line of headwraps, but that’s table stakes for celebrity babies in this post-North West world. She apparently enjoys casual nights of throwing shit and stealing other people’s pizza at Chuck E. Cheese’s with her parents in Cleveland. While that might sound “normal,” when your parents are such immaculate beings, a simple trip to Chuck E Cheese becomes merely a golden opportunity to yield her genetic prowess over the other peasant babies. It is also public knowledge that she loves to poop. All other 1-and-a-half year olds love to poop too, you might say. But was that fact plastered all over GQalongside glossy photos of them driving a hot pink car? Didn’t think so.

12. Bari Najma Ali

Parents: Mahershala Ali and Amatus Sami-Karim
Date of birth: February 22, 2017
Highest praise from a website: "And, as the new dad tells it, the February 22 birth of daughter Bari Najma Ali was nothing short of amazing, because the baby was born inside her amniotic sac." - US Weekly

Bari Najma Ali is truly a #blessed baby and not just because of the aforementioned high praise. She's also the daughter of true ~thespian~ Mahershala Ali who killed it on the Awards circuit this year for his incredible role in Barry Jenkins' Moonlight. Bari was born merely days before Ali won the Best Supporting Actor Oscar—so she's truly her dad's good luck charm. And judging from the pictures Ali has shared, Bari is just gonna get cuter and he's gonna keep flourishing, so Bari's one to watch. 

 

 

11. Maya Versano

Parents: Gal Gadot and Yaron Versano
Date of birth: March 19 or 20th 2017
Highest praise from a website: "Now, at least, we will be able to tell her [new] daughter Maya that she's in her mom's stomach right then, in the middle of that battle scene." - Patty Jenkins to EW 

Have no fear, Wonder Baby is here! At just a few months old, Maya has already risen to A-list status with her starring role in Wonder Woman. Okay, she may not have actually been in the film, but her mom Gal Gadot was five months pregnant with her when she was reshooting some intense fight scenes. Doesn’t that mean baby Maya should have her own IMDB page? Being the offspring of Gal Gadot alone puts her at the top of the baby power ranking list, but in a few years from now we bet that she’ll be following in her mom’s footsteps with her own Lasso of Truth.

 

10. Pharrell Williams' Triplets

Parents: Pharrell Williams and Helen Lasichanh
Date of birth: January 2017
Highest praise from a website: “Three bundles of joy…” - The Huffington Post

They’ve been tottering around the world since the beginning of 2017, but any details about Pharrell and Helen Lasichanh’s triplets have yet to be revealed. No pictures, no names, no genders: just a shroud of chic mystery and, of course, some pseudo-shit talking from their uber famous dad who described having triplets as an aseembly line

 

9. The Kid of Donald Glover (-5)

Parents: Still Unidentified Girlfriend & Donald Glover
Date of birth: 2016
Highest praise from a website: "Donald Glover is having an incredible year." — Complex.com

Definitely a surprise entry into this list—no one knew Donald Glover was in a serious relationship, let alone having a child, until Us Weekly reported the birth in October. As you can probably surmise from the previous sentence, we don't have a lot of info on this child, nor have we seen a photo yet. But listen, Glover is on an absolute hot streak in 2016, releasing the revolutionary TV show Atlanta, as well as some great new music (and there's more to come). Despite being a target of ridicule in the past, Glover has pushed through and is now proving himself to be one of the most interesting, multi-faceted creators we have. This baby is going to be some superhero combination of brilliant, creative, funny, and you know, attractive. On paper alone, I'm ready to bow down.

Update: In his Golden Globe acceptance speech, Glover thanked his son, so that's all we've got. 

 

8. Eissa Al Mana

Parents: Janet Jackson and Wissam Al Mana
Date of birth: January 3, 2017
Highest praise from a website: "The little guy is one heck of a cute baby!" - TMZ

In Spring of 2016, Janet Jackson announced she was postponing her world tour to focus on having a baby with husband Wissam Al Mana. So at 50, Jackson gave birth to Eissa Al Mana—a very cute baby boy. While Eissa isn’t the most public of babies, unlike others on this list (no shade!!), he might be the richest. Jackson filed for divorce from Wissam in April and according to their prenup could end up with over $200 million. Eissa might want to ask Asahd where he's buying those Gucci suits at. 

 

7. Ella and Alexander Clooney

Parents: George Clooney and Amal Clooney
Date of birth: June 6, 2017
Highest praise from a website: "They're the perfect mix of George and Amal" - Rande Gerber via ET Online 

Elle and Alexander Clooney have hit the genetic jackpot. Take George’s looks, Amal’s brain and together you’ve created the world’s most perfect human being(s). Besides the fact that they were born in London, the Clooney twins have already been to more exotic places than I have in my twenty something years of life. Elle and Alexander spent their one month birthday traveling on a private jet to Italy in extremely extra white lace bassinets straight from the Victorian era. The twins even had Uncle Brad Pitt stop by to give them dolls straight from Africa, just because his kids liked them when they were younger. These twins are set for life—not to mention that nice Casamigos tequila checkgoing right into their trust funds.

 

6. Beaumont Gino Peele

Parents: Jordan Peele and Chelsea Peretti
Date of birth: July 1, 2017
Highest praise from a website: "It's going to be a funny kid. That's going to be a funny funny kid." - Keegan Michael Key, via E! News

We all know Jordan Peele and Chelsea Peretti are one of the chillest couples in Hollywood, dating way before they went public and eloping in Hawaii with only their pup as a witness, Peele and Peretti are certain to be a pair of low key parents. It’s probably a good thing too: their kid already has one of the most unique names of the year (sorry Apple, Beaumont Gino would like a shot at the “weird name” throne) and was sure to enter the world after his dad blew our minds with Get Out. He’s inheriting two flawless senses of humor and a pair of down-to-earth parents which means not only is Beaumont about to be hilarious, he’s probably going to be only marginally messed up by being born into fame. Still, I’m expecting some kind of next level comedy from this kid in T-minus 5 years. No pressure, lil Gino.

 

 

5. Saint West (-2)

Parents: Kim Kardashian & Kanye West
Date of birth: Dec. 5, 2015
Highest praise from a website: "Saint, who looks adorable and so grown up with bunny ears and a button nose." ​- EOnline

This kid is dope as hell—just look at him. He's also the first son of Kim Kardashian and Kanye West, who has already said, "Saint is baby 'Ye, I ain't worried 'bout him." An early Instagram video of this little guy has been viewed 14.6 million times, and really he's not even doing that much in it. He's like, smiling. But that's how beloved he already is. Saint isn't hitting the top of this list though, as his sister North did in 2014—mostly because he's a boy. I don't mean I'm being sexist; I just mean that baby girls have a stronger proclivity towards dressing up, which yields cuter photos, which yields a more devoted, plentiful horde of followers. Baby 'Ye is an A-One baby, don't get me wrong. But we may have to wait until he starts handling his own social media presence before we truly witness his power. Then it's really a wrap. 

Update: Baby Saint was already born into American Royalty—there’s no way as the son of Kanye West and Kim Kardashian he wasn’t going to be the one of the coolest babies out. And now at almost two years old, he’s even cuter than when he was just a lil tot. But weirdly enough, Saint hasn’t had quite the same amount of social cache that older sister North has had just yet. But the older he gets, the more he’s appearing on Kim’s Snapchat so we can’t count him entirely out from baby superstardom just yet. 

4. Kensli Bennett

Parents: Chance the Rapper and Kirsten Corley
Date of birth: September 2015
Highest praise from a website: "Kensli is without a doubt a daddy’s girl (she’s his twin!) and her father’s Instagram is a shrine to her."- Vulture

So, Kensli’s already met the Obamas, sat courtside at a Chicago Bulls game, and goes on casual playdates with Saint West (who, as previously established on this list, is dope as hell). Impressive, sure, but all in all, pretty standard famous baby stuff. Kensli’s power is of a more subtle kind, and for that reason all the more awe-inspiring. She’s been a person since 2015 but only graced us with her presence through a December 31, 2016 Instagram post by her universally well-liked father, demonstrating an early ability to maintain her privacy, a key talent in the celebrity world. Since then, though, Kensli has completely taken over her dad’s account so that it has morphed into one big shrine to her very existence. Your fave could NEVER.

 

 

3. Luna Stephens

Parents: Chrissy Teigen and John Legend
Date of birth: April 14, 2016
Highest praise from a website: "Yesterday, we got another peek when Teigen posted some pretty adorable Snapchat videos of Luna showing off her developing piano skills. It's pretty obvious that she takes after her dad in the musical talent department." - Glamour

How many babies do you know have already thrown in the first pitch of an MLB game? Because Luna Stephens has. Already overwhelmingly influential on social media (hello, Chrissy Teigen’s Snapchat) little Luna deserves the number two spot on our baby power ranking for her advanced musical skills, ability to take some of the world’s cutest pictures and obviously, her all-star parents. Luna has also already starred on the small screen after being featured in her father’s music video for "Love Me Now", giving North West a run for her money. Barack Obama has even given Luna’s name the presidential seal of approval. After all, her parents and the former prez are on a first name basis. If that’s not some serious baby clout, then I don’t know what is.​

 

 

2. Sir & Rumi Carter

Parents: Beyonce and Jay Z
Date of birth: June 13, 2017
Highest praise from a website: "Beyoncé and Jay-Z’s twins are too cool for middle names"- Page Six

What can we even say about the two literal miracle twins? Rumi and Sir were announcedto the world in the most extra of ways with Beyonce’s Instagram post that accrued 8 million likes in 24 hours and became the most liked Instagram of all time. In other words, these two were out here causing people to lose their entire minds before they were even BORN. This is the definition of Baby Power. Rumi, who is the older twin, is named after an ancient Persian poet who wrote extensively about love and the body, so you can just IMAGINE what her Instagram captions will be in 16-ish years. And as for Sir Carter, true power is growing up to have people call you Mr. Sir Carter Carter, a name which makes anyone who says it sound like they’re having a stroke, and yet still be the envy of every grown person on the planet. Their NAMES ARE TRADEMARKED. I mean, COME ON. Even if you’re one of those people who hate happiness and have something against Beyonce and Jay Z, you have to admit that these two have some God-level genes to impart on their offspring. Blue Ivy is 5 goddamn years old and is already a better rapper than half of the grown ass men out there feigning a music career. Just wait until Rumi and Sir grow up!

 

1. Asahd Khaled

Parents: DJ Khaled and Nicole Tuck
Date of birth: October 23, 2016
Highest praise from a website: "DJ Khaled's 8-month-old baby boy stole the show at the annual award ceremony Sunday night from the moment he arrived on the red carpet in a blue tuxedo. Yes, he's barely a year old and already has a black tie wardrobe that rivals that of a grown man." - E Online

Here he is, the number one baby. The king of toddlers. America’s sweetheart. If he was on Game of Thrones his title would be something like Asahd Khaled, son of DJ Khaled, first of his name, ruler of babies, producer of platinum albums, wearer of Gucci suits. Aside from being the cutest baby to possibly ever crawl this Earth, Asahd is already a legend in the music industry and a social media star with over one million followers on Instagram. After his first album, Grateful went platinum, Asahd Khaled became a household name and a top contender in entertainment. At only eight months old, there’s no doubt that his resume will be 10 pages longer by the time he turns five. Khaled 2052.

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